I Can Trust My Heavenly Father

from Sarah

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about faith and fear. One of my biggest fears is heights: a fear that I had to face and overcome quickly during the fire academy. During our firefighter survival training we learned how to bail out a window using just a single rope. To do this, you have to wrap the rope around you and get one leg up and over the window sill. Next you lean forward and start falling head first out the window until you can clear your other leg and turn yourself upright again. Needless to say, it was terrifying. In learning and practicing these things, I came to trust my equipment, my fellow firefighters, and myself.

This trust didn’t take away my fear, but it gave me the strength to push through it anyway.

Faith and trust in God doesn’t equate to the complete absence of fear. I think one of the most profound ways to show Heavenly Father my faith is by following Him in spite of my fears. It’s by coming to that window sill and telling Him; ‘I don’t know how this is going to turn out, but I trust that you’re going to protect me as I do your will.’

By far, the hardest decision I’ve ever made is which path I wanted to be on with regards to my faith. I don’t profess to have the right answers, or that the decisions I have made are the right decisions for anyone else’s path. For me in my life, I chose to stay in the church after having a very tumultuous crisis of faith. And at times I still find myself paralyzed by thoughts of what the future holds and if it’s actually feasible to continue in my faith in light of the fact that I am gay. But I’ve found my faith grow deeper in those times of trusting God enough to move forward anyway despite not knowing.

In the first moments when you bail out of a window, it feels like you are free falling. Until you clear the window sill and the rope tightens, you are going on complete faith that your rope will catch you. But once the rope kicks in and you’re not falling head first anymore, you feel completely secure and safe. I constantly go back and forth between free falling and feeling complete trust in the Lord. I have told Heavenly Father more than once: “I don’t know what to do with this, but it makes my soul ache.”


I made the choice to stay, but that doesn’t take away my feelings. And it makes my very soul ache to think about the true implications of my decision. My faith is more important to me than anything, but I would be lying if I said that it wasn’t a devastating decision to chose not “act on” my feelings. In those times I really have to step back and say, I don’t know. I don’t know the answers. I don’t know if I’m going to survive jumping out of this window.

But I have come to learn that I can trust my rope. I can trust my Heavenly Father. I have found my strength renewed time and time again by living the gospel. It has brought an indescribable peace to my soul that I wouldn’t trade for anything.

My 12-Step Journey

from Paul

I came to the 12-steps about a decade ago, as I helped an addicted loved one enter a year-long rehab program.  His addiction had been going on for several years, and (as I later learned), my co-dependence preceded the addiction by years before that.


What I thought was a plan to “support” my loved one in recovery because a journey of discovery for myself.  I came to understand that I had my own issues to confront.  In that first year, my addicted loved one and I walked on similar, but very different, paths.  We both worked the steps.  I even attended family sessions at his rehab facility.  But each of us had unique burdens we carried, unique weaknesses to have removed, unique amends to make as the time came.


I started at Step One, recognizing that I was powerless over addiction.  Simple enough, I thought at the time.  But over the course of several months I came to understand that my powerlessness was deeper than I realized, mostly because my own problems were far deeper than I realize.  My co-dependence led me to try to control everything around me, and to respond with anger when I could not.  (And, as Step 1 taught me, of course I could not control everything around me!)

 I can't, He can

A decade later, both my addicted loved one and I live in recovery.  And we both recognize that we do so one day at a time, grateful for where we are today.  I have come to rely on regular step work to keep me on the path of recovery from my addiction to control and the destruction that addiction caused in my family.  I’m amazed at the grace of the Lord’s atoning sacrifice that allows my life to be better today than it was a decade ago.


As I worked the first three steps, summarized simply and well by a friend:  “I can’t; He can; I think I’ll let Him,” I came to trust the Lord in ways I never knew I could.  I learned to pray to understand His will rather than to dictate my own.  I learned to “let go and let God” in matters I knew I could not (or should not) control.  


I began as an ARP group leader just over 8 years ago, and I have found a wonderful home in my ARP group, where I can continue to learn to live according to the principles of the 12 Steps, and enjoy the continuing blessings which the Savior offers through His atoning sacrifice.

Addiction Stories

The Deseret News is doing a series of stories on people suffering from addiction. This one tells the story of a school superintendent and LDS Bishop struggle to overcome an opiod addiction.

“I hope our society will someday see people suffering from drug addiction for who they truly are — not criminals, but human beings struggling to conquer an extremely strong foe,” says Bennett. “To win that fight, they need our empathy, understanding and support.”

Read the rest of the story at The Deseret News

Mike Bennett


There is Always Hope

I was having a rough day related to concerns with a loved one. I found myself crying frequently and hopelessness was becoming a constant companion. I was able to attend a Step 2 Healing Through Christ Family Support group meeting and the Spirit touched my heart deeply with a couple of thoughts that night.

The first one was related to a paragraph under Hope and Expectation that talks about Satan trying to remove hope, but he can’t because it is a lie. So having “no Hope” is a lie. That brought amazing peace and comfort to me. When I think I have lost hope I can remember that the statement is a lie. There is always hope because I believe in Christ. That is an absolute for me, thus I have some hope always and once there is some hope there can be more hope.

Hope in Christ

The second thought I had was related to President Uchtdorf’s quote, “[Hope] is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered.” Sometimes, like today, I struggle with what that really means. However, in the prior paragraph it talks about surrendering our desires to God’s timetable and trusting in His Plan for me and for my loved ones. All of my plans have to be eliminated, turned over, forgotten. My energy must go into asking for “confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance” in God’s plan.

I am praying for and searching for that “firmly grounded” feeling and trusting what God Can and Will do for me. Someone in our meeting said God’s only agenda each day is us. He does not have an agenda for himself. I want that agenda. I want to be on that team, not my own team with my own agenda.

So back to my rough day – I felt the spirit telling me I wasn’t a team player at home.  We were turning into competing teams and He wanted me to remember we were a family right now, despite its less than traditional nature.  I should be finding the good, not always criticizing and complaining.  I felt like He understood how I felt and His council to look for the good was to bring me happiness.  He knew the way up and He knew the way out.  He knew because He had already felt everything I was feeling but even more He knew a better way.


Looking Beyond What I See

from Annette

Throughout my life I have struggled with judging others.  Sometimes it’s a church member I don’t agree with, a friend who has let me down, a member of my family who is choosing different avenues, or a parent who didn’t give me everything I wanted or felt I needed growing up.  The following personal story by Elder W. Craig Zwick has helped me question my judgmental ways.

“I had my eyes opened to ‘looking beyond what I could see’ while serving as a mission president. A young elder arrived with apprehension in his eyes. As we met in an interview, he said dejectedly, ‘I want to go home.’ I thought to myself, ‘Well, we can fix this.’ I counseled him to work hard and to pray about it for a week and then call me. A week later, almost to the minute, he called. He still wanted to go home. I again counseled him to pray, to work hard, and to call me in a week. In our next interview, things had not changed. He insisted on going home.

romania-classrooms-praying-teaching-learning-1407576-mobile“I just wasn’t going to let that happen. I began teaching him about the sacred nature of his call. I encouraged him to ‘forget [himself] and go to work.’ But no matter what formula I offered, his mind did not change. It finally occurred to me that I might not have the whole picture. It was then that I felt a prompting to ask him the question: ‘Elder, what is hard for you?’ What he said pierced my heart: ‘President, I can’t read.’

“The wise counsel which I thought was so important for him to hear was not at all relevant to his needs. What he needed most was for me to look beyond my hasty assessment and allow the Spirit to help me understand what was really on this elder’s mind. He needed me to see him correctly and offer a reason to hope. Instead, I acted like a giant demolition wrecking ball. This valiant elder did learn to read and became a very pure disciple of Jesus Christ. He opened my eyes to the Lord’s words: ‘For man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart’ (1 Samuel 16:7).  What a blessing it is when the Spirit of the Lord widens our view.” (October, 2017 Elder W. Craig Zwick “Lord, Wilt Thou Cause That My Eyes May Be Opened”)

As I listened to this story I thought of my mother-in-law, my siblings, friends current and past, my mother, my father, and so many others I have hastily labeled.  Is there more to their situations then my limited eyes can see?  I believe as I humbly turn to the Lord, and ask to see with His eyes, He will loving show me who He knows they truly are.  Elder Zwick wisely counsels me,  “The gospel net is filled with people in all their variety. We can’t fully understand the choices and psychological backgrounds of people in our world, Church congregations, and even in our families, because we rarely have the whole picture of who they are. We must look past the easy assumptions and stereotypes and widen the tiny lens of our own experience.”

I believe with the Lord’s help I can change my ways.  In fact I can begin today by reaching out with love to someone.  President Henry B. Eyring promises, “… so I challenge you to go for the Lord to someone…to extend love.  I promise you that as you do you will feel the love of the Savior for that person and His love for you.”

Lord, Help Me See

from Meghan

Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;

“Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.”

Matt 5:23-24

On each Sabbath Day, we are invited to the table of the Lord to offer our gifts as we partake of the Sacrament. The gifts the Lord requires are a broken heart and a contrite spirit. What does that mean? One meaning is to come repenting of our sins, recognizing where we have fallen short, asking forgiveness, and resolving to do better.

How can I approach the alter of the Lord with my gift and be sure that there is nothing unresolved in my life that would interfere with my communion with the Lord? How can I be sure that my heart is truly broken and my Spirit contrite? How do I develop the self-awareness to recognize my faults, ask forgiveness or make amends, and come to the Lord’s table with nothing to prevent feeling a full measure of his Spirit?


Step Four has taught me how to develop that required self-awareness, as I have walked through the process of making a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. I didn’t approach this step with enthusiasm—the first few times we discussed this step, I recoiled from it. I was afraid of it. It was overwhelming and distasteful to me. But when the time was right, as we read the step materials in Healing Through Christ I kept seeing reassurances of compassion, love, gentleness, and the Lord’s willingness to accompany me on this process. I was encouraged to see myself with “honesty and gentleness.” I was reassured that “without shame or self-contempt, we become willing to be changed through the revealing illumination of the spirit of truth. This reflective journey will become a joyful transforming experience for each of us.”

My heart became ready for this reflective journey, and for the first time I read the Working the Steps section, committed to doing the painful inventory that I still somewhat dreaded. The manual encouraged me to start with two topics that were much less dreadful than I expected:

  1. Remembering God’s Help in Our Lives
  2. Listing Our Positive Traits

Those two topics were the perfect way to start! Remembering God’s help in my life helped me to see the many tender mercies in my life, reassured me that God had been with me even in tough times of my own making, and gave me hope for his continued sustaining love through this next journey.

Listing my positive traits kept me from going right to a list of everything that is wrong with me. It helped me to start from a place of hope and balance. I was able to see a more complete and honest picture of myself.

I have done a long inventory by breaking up my life into small sections. But I also do small inventories now; if I have a difficult experience with someone, I inventory that experience or relationship. I try to stay balanced by starting with the two topics of recognizing God’s help in this situation and the positive traits I brought to it. I also don’t shy away from recognizing my part in the problem. I invite the Lord to help me see more clearly and objectively what I have done well and what I need to change.

If I discover a relationship which is uncomfortable, I know there is an opportunity there for me to discover my part in it. I search for what I need to do to come unto the Lord unencumbered by clutter that will block the Spirit and the joy that my Father wants me to feel. On a daily basis, I can become open to recognizing what is interfering with God’s promise that I will always have His Spirit to be with me.

Repentance can be a joyful process, as the Lord helps me to see and change my thoughts and behavior so that I can welcome the Spirit more fully into my life.

Daily Accountability

from Duane

A woman once told me that in the 12-step group she helps with, a 63-year-old participant told her he had been sober for 8 months.

We should celebrate victories like this. But we should also be vigilant that such victories not be reversed. We have all experienced the sting of sin and the joy of repentance. I bear witness that when we repent, we are forgiven. However, should we slip and repeat our sin, Doctrine and Covenants 82:7 warns us: “And now, verily I say unto you, I, the Lord, will not lay any sin to your charge; go your ways and sin no more; but unto that soul who sinneth shall the former sins return, saith the Lord your God.”

I believe this verse is telling us if we have repented and been forgiven of a sin, and then repeat the sin, it is as if we had not previously repented. Matthew 12:43-45 makes that point forcefully. Once we have been healed by Christ’s atonement, we don’t want to slip back and wound ourselves again.

No matter what our addiction or weakness, we are never far from it. If our addiction was to alcohol or overeating or compulsive shopping, every time we drive we will pass potential pit stops on the way to sin. If our addiction was to pornography or online gambling, we are never more than a few clicks away from sin and addiction and bondage. Given that we don’t want to backslide, we need to be ever vigilant of those small decisions that bring us closer to temptation to slip.


Once we have become sober, steps 10, 11, and 12, the maintenance steps in 12-step programs, help us stay clear of temptation. These become the most important steps to us to keep our hard-won freedom from bondage. Not surprisingly, these steps are similar to the standard answers to many questions asked in church meetings. Step 10 is to recognize the wrongs we have done, ask forgiveness of those whom we have wronged, and humbly participate in the Sacrament ordinance weekly to cleanse us of our sins.

Step 11 is meaningful prayer, meditation and scripture reading. Step 12 is loving service to our fellow man, including sharing the gospel. Who knew that attending Church could be such an integral part of working our recovery program?

Heavenly Father and Jesus Love Me

by Amy

As a young girl, I remember a church lesson being taught, which said that prayer is the way I could find answers to my questions, get direction for my life, and for me to feel His spirit. I was told these answers would come by way of a warm and happy feeling or by a still small voice. I tried. Nothing happened.

Sometime later, I had heard a story about a boy who habitually fell asleep at the end of the day with his music still playing. One night, he decided to turn his music off before falling asleep. As he drifted off, the spirit communicated with him. Without the interference of his music, the door of communication was opened between the boy and the spirit. I wanted an experience like that, too. My very own experience. This would surely make me happy. I tried everything, I thought, even burning my favorite music cassette tape. Still, no luck.

I wouldn’t say that I was un-happy, but being the second to the oldest of five children, all having been born in four and a half years, caused every- thing to seem like a daily rush and routine. I didn’t feel close to my parents. It was not a persona relationship for me with them.

I knew that communication from Heavenly Father comes in as many forms as there are varieties of people. I always knew that He lived. But, when I prayed, I didn’t feel the feelings of warmth and happiness that I was told I would have and I did not hear His still small voice. These feelings of disconnect with my parents and with my Heavenly Father remained with me for years. Even before I graduated high school, my logical mind thought that I should be weaned from depending on my earthly parents and my Heavenly Father. Of course, being independent of earthly parents is the goal of being an adult, I also felt Heavenly Father was showing me that I needed to learn to stand on my own, and not rely on Him. I thought this was a natural part of life, part of adulthood.

As a teenager, my new life scope was to be completely independent. Both temporally, and spiritually, I would be able to support myself. I would  eventually be the money maker in my future marriage and home. Learning to be independent would make me happy.

However, nature abhors a vacuum. When I stopped relying on Heavenly Father, I started to rely only on myself. I started making choices that I felt would make me happy at last. Then, fear came. Instead of making decisions to bring me happiness, I started basing my decisions on the fear of being unhappy. This fear caused me to make a choice that put me in a situation where I feared for my life, and I needed to stay alive. This independent time in my life was the peak of my unhappiness. Although I was glad to have survived, I was at my lowest in life that I had ever been. The very life I feared for the week before was something I no longer felt hope for or a future in. Yet, it was at this lowest point I discovered my Heavenly Father was listening to me. My Young Women’s leader, Linda, knew I needed help. She was informed by a special spirit that I needed her. She contacted me and then took me to her home for a few days because my family was away on vacation at that time. I am happy to say that I have never returned to those dreary depths again. Heavenly Father, Linda, and that special spirit had saved me!

lost-lamb-art-lds-425852-mobileAlthough sadness tries to return at times, I know that my Heavenly Father and Jesus love me. I have learned to rely on them. They know me. They love me. They are my sponsors in Healing Through Christ. I am thankful for the important tools of this gospel and program that improve each of my days and to be so much happier. Although there will always be challenges tailor made to help me to grow, I am thankful for the tools to navigate through them. I am now happy and independent through and because of Heavenly Father and Jesus.

My Heart is Whole

This was shared at our ARP/FSG training conference in October, 2017

Hello, my name is Jason. I am a family member of someone that suffered from an addiction. I was asked to give a brief message about how I came to the group and how it has impacted my life. With that in mind I will start at the beginning.

In July of 2012 I filed for divorce from my wife. She developed a prescription drug habit after surgery. When I filed for the divorce I had no clue the Healing through Christ Program existed. No one had ever talked about it. So I thought I was using “tough love” to try and force my wife into recovery. In September of 2012 the divorce was final. I was heartbroken. I thought my wife didn’t love me enough to get help. I thought I didn’t do enough to get her the help she needed.

In July of 2013 she was found dead in her bed by her niece from a drug overdose. I feel into a deep depression. I thought about ending my life for a time because I hadn’t done enough, because I couldn’t save her. After her funeral I left the church. All anyone at the funeral could say was “She finally beat her addiction.” I went inactive. I didn’t want to have anything to do with the church. I thought there could have been more done to save my wife and the church was just as much to blame as I was.

Through my inactivity I was emailed regularly by a member of the church. He had gone to the branch where my wife and I attended. He was polite and didn’t push. But I was angry and didn’t want to have anything to do with the church or its members.

December of 2015 I was very depressed. I was lost. I was unhappy and searching for something to make me feel happy again. I was praying for help but not really believing I would get it. In late December or early January 2016 this Brother reached out again via email. He asked me to go to breakfast. He just wanted to catch up and talk. Not about church or why I wasn’t attending. I said yes. Halfway through the breakfast I was in tears  and telling him everything. I told him about my grief, my anger with the church, my guilt over my wife’s death. He listened to it all. He didn’t judge me. What he did do changed my life.

He told me there was a program called Healing through Christ. He told me that it was for family members of those with addictions. He told me I didn’t have to go to church but if I wanted to go to the meeting he would go with me. I wanted to go. This Brother told me the time and place of the meeting and met me there. He even purchased my manual. He attended with me for a few weeks until I felt comfortable.

pablo (7)Today I am a facilitator of my group. Today my heart is whole. I have peace. I am happy. I have learned through this group about my role in my wife’s addiction. I have learned about the things I could control and those I could not.

More importantly I have learned to forgive myself. I have learned to deal with my emotions in a safe and healthy way. I have learned that I too suffer from an addiction. I have learned that I too can rely on God and his promise to be there for me when I turn to Him for support. Through coming back to church I have been able to strengthen my testimony of this church. I have been able to testify of my progress in this group and how it has changed my life.

I am currently dating a wonderful woman who gained her own testimony of this church. She has a testimony of seeing how this group has affected my life for the good. She was baptized a member of this church in March of this year.

In closing, my first step was praying and asking for help. My second step was accepting an invitation to breakfast. I urge any and all church leaders to make sure all members are aware of this program. I urge you to attend a few meetings with those members who are seeking help. An invitation to go to a meeting means more, and may accomplish more, when it is accompanied by the offer to go with them.

Forgiving and Judging

By David
When I arrived as a new missionary in Lille, France, the missionaries of my zone were planning a bicycle trip to visit the WWI American Military Cemetery of Flanders Field and had already secured our Mission President’s permission as we would be traveling outside of our zone. My 3rd day in the mission field, I purchased my bike, a beautiful green Peugeot 10 speed, and on my 1st or 2nd P-day, we were on the road.

BicyclesThe topography of Western Belgium is very similar to the ground between Kalamazoo and Grand Rapids–gentle rolling hills of fertile farmland. Almost immediately as we left the bumpy, slow-riding cobble-stone streets of town, I found myself at the end of the line of riders. Sometimes a very long line with them massed at the front and me far, far behind. I was not riding at the end to make sure everyone else was ok. I simply couldn’t keep up. The other missionaries were constantly having to stop and wait for me. They never said anything mean or derogatory, but every time I rolled up to them standing patiently beside their bikes, I felt embarrassed, weak and inadequate.

With the day passing faster than the miles and my frustration probably evident on my face, several missionaries slowed down to ride beside me. After a time, one of them suggested we stop and raise the seat on my bike. In my emotionally vulnerable state, I could have snapped back that I knew how to ride a bike. Fortunately, I swallowed my embarrassment, and we raised my bike seat about an inch. At first, I felt uncomfortably high but found to my delight that with every pedal-stoke I had more power in that last inch and had a split-second of rest with my leg almost fully extended. The other missionaries were still more accustomed to bike riding, but now I could pedal faster, longer and I could keep up.

Brothers and Sisters, we all will have challenges in this life that will give us opportunities to become more Christ-like. Some of those challenges will be times of weakness and pain to teach us faith, obedience, diligence, humility and forgiveness. Some challenges will be times of strength and plenty to teach us faith, obedience, gratitude, compas- sion, and charity. Sometimes we choose these challenges by our actions. Other times our challenges are the result of mortality or the choices of others. In both times of personal weakness or of personal strength, it is vital for us to remember that God has a greater purpose for us than the joy or sorrow of the moment. I am grateful for the few moments of focused attention my missionary associates gave to me on that bike ride long ago. Both they and I were immediately blessed for their gift.

In our life-goal of becoming more like God, we cannot afford to nurture feelings of anger, jealousy, or resentment. The Savior tells us that the greatest commandment is to love God and the second is like unto it: to love our neighbor as our self. When we refuse to forgive, we slow our own progression as we falter in keeping the second great commandment to “Love our neighbor as ourselves.” (Matthew 22: 37-39). However, “forgiving” does not mean we allow ourselves or another to continue to be abused. It does mean that we leave to God all issues of fairness or punishment while we move on to greater things. It does mean that we focus on improving our future rather than on how we were treated in the past.

We make judgments all the time, and almost always our judgments are based on faulty or incomplete information viewed through the distorted lens of our perceptions of the world around us. I assumed that the missionaries of my zone were impatient and irritated with me because I felt that way myself. Whether or not they were, they clearly spent some time trying to figure out if they could help me. We would be wise to always judge or interpret the actions and words of others in the best possible light we can imagine. We may be wrong occasionally, but I believe we will all be happier if we assume others have positive intentions.